私の生きた証拠

It took like more than half a year, but at least it’s done. I’ll probably add in TL notes later.

見上げるあの空で
TVアニメ「sola」グランドエンディング主題歌
TVアニメ「sola」キャラクターイメージソングアルバム「oratorio」より

歌：結城アイラ
作詞：畑　亜貴
作曲：黒須克彦
編曲：大久保薫
　
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Now that I’ve had a full week of experience in indulging in endless losing rounds of America’s Army, falling asleep while an episode of 無理な恋愛 is playing on screen, and trying (with varying degrees of success) to internalize and memorize examination content that would take even a pretty smart American student a full year to go through in three weeks or so, I’ve come to a point where it has become necessary to examine what the hell I’ve been doing.

And no I haven’t gotten over my physical fitness debacle, and yes, I’m looking forward very much to travelling to the extremes of Japan on the Shinkansen. But I have to leave my stuff in Saitama and get some work done before heading to Nagasaki. And accommodation’s another issue. But I’m looking forward to meeting you, |c3^sNoW! Well I’ll worry about that soon enough.

Why on earth did I sign up for eight (8) 「八（はち）」 examinations? Granted, two of the eight can be collapsed to one (arguably - Micro- and Macroeconomics), and one constitutes strictly speaking only half a subject (Physics C: Electricity and Magnetism). That still makes six and a half subjects. And by any measure, English Language, Calculus BC, Chemistry, Comparative Government and Politics, Human Geography, Economics (both parts) and Physics (C: EM) still make for a formidable combination. I’d be mad to say that I’m confident of getting straight fives - meaning I’m not mad and not confident - so why on earth did I sign up for so many?

First, I must acknowledge that the problem isn’t quite so much the number of subjects as the amount of time I’ve allocated myself to studying for them. Six subjects in three weeks literally means two subjects a week. Granted, I picked mostly subjects I’ve had SOME prior knowledge and background and/or interest in (which is why I didn’t pick psychology - I wasn’t in the mood to memorise an entire textbook in a few weeks or even a few months), but it’s still unsustainable. I’ve started suffering from stress-related symptoms and have turned to games as a method of stress-relief, but this cuts time from study and increases stress further. Talk about a poverty trap. I do regret not starting earlier.

Second, why did I choose so many subjects? It isn’t necessary to do this many for an APID (which technically requires just six), and it’s certainly not as if I’m eligible for the AP State or National Scholar awards. All I need is one more exam for the AP Scholar with Distinction. I guess many considerations were factored in, but primarily I wanted to make use of the AP for three main purposes:

1. To ’show off’ (to be brutally honest and a little cynical) my ‘prowess’ in subject areas that are fairly diverse, including subjects to which I am ambivalent (English Language), hostile (Calculus) or with which I am positively in love with (Government and Politics).
2. To prove to myself that I am capable of accomplishing what few others in the world are capable of doing, assuming they even bother. Case in point: only one person other than myself is taking eight papers at school. While Americans have the options of doing twenty if they wished (and some scholars do that in the US), the overwhelming majority doesn’t. Granted, they might have clubs to attend and sports to play, but isn’t that the same for me to some extent as well?
3. To prove that I can best exams simply by identifying the ‘correct’ and ‘definitive’ textbooks, reading them once or twice mere weeks prior to the exam, and doing minimal practice. I was partially vindicated and justified in this belief last year, where I bagged two 5s and two 4s. I am merely trying to replicate that on a greater scale. And I studied one week last time round; this time I’m giving myself nominally three weeks.

Looking at the objectives, my decision would seem to be sensible to a moderate extent, if not distorted by a non-negligible overconfidence and lack of discipline. Points 1 and 2 seem similar, but 1 is more focused on the variety and breath of academic experience while 2 stresses the disproportionate size of the academic experience relative to the expected investment. Point 3 is simply about efficiency and is to some extent an experiment to test my hypothesis that exams can be defeated without ‘real’ knowledge of any subject at the high school level. My hope is actually to make a point for de-emphasizing exams. Still, I have the somewhat unusual ability to remember large portions of what I read and to make use of them with limited effort in processing them (ostensibly, this helps me get marks on free-response questions). People who have had the experience - nasty or otherwise - of discussing economics or politics with me would probably get what I mean, even if they disagree. While my academic ‘talent’ (for lack of a better word; granted it is somewhat politically-incorrect) may actually tipping the scales immensely in my favor, I still hope that I can make my point.

At this juncture, I’d like to note to the future self reading this that I am starting to get immensely displeased with my own inability to COMPLETE and PUBLISH translated lyrics of songs I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT. Case in point: As of now, “Melty tale storage” “吐息Scarlet…” “そこにひとつだけ” “PLANETES” “Bloom My World” “君と私と想いの先へ” “loose” “見上げるあの空で”, just to name a few, have not been fully translated. GET TO WORK!!!

On another note, I haven’t quite decided what to buy in Japan, or even what to pack along. Not to mention I still haven’t decided how long I want a rail pass for, and where I want to be going. As the rail pass’ll cost a lot, it would make sense to buy a 21-day one if I’m absolutely certain I want to travel for a long period. And it’s not as if I don’t have lots of work to do there. Maybe I should just throw a die to decide.

Now it’s back to work. Or dinner. Whatever. I’ll decide soon enough.

Sometimes I wonder if I engage in excessive bouts of self-entertainment simply to keep my mind off things. Indeed, thinking’s something to be avoided, rather than to be encouraged, as far as I am concerned.

Perhaps one of the few improvements that my life has seen is that I am not quite missing Tokyo so much, at least over the past few days. I suppose it’s the reassurance that I’ll be returning there for a stretch soon that helps to release the burden of brooding over it from my mind ever so little. In any case, I’m thankful, in this case to the wonderful folk at the Japanese Cultural Society, as well as those not in the JCS but who are equally involved in organizing and preparing for our trip (and the sponsors!).

This whole idea of gratitude has been hitting me hard of late. Many (if not a plurality of the) people who know me would generally bear the impression that I’m an incorrigible ingrate - and that is something I would agree with to some extent (though decidedly not whole-heartedly). I am not sure what I can do, but for now I’m allowing the idea to ferment at the back of my mind.

Over the past week or so I have been engaged in the intensive study of politics, and to be honest, though I used to find it extremely interesting and stimulating, the overload of information has led me to feel somewhat demoralised and indeed, discouraged at my prospects in this year’s Advanced Placement examinations. Especially since I had more or less made up my mind to seek my fortune (or to use a more modern term, fulfill my destiny) in Tokyo instead of some city in die Vereinigte Staaten the AP exam starts to feel incredibly irrelevant to me from a pragmatic perspective. However I just feel that I’ll seriously regret going through high school without doing anything other than random extracurriculars and an academic curriculum that I objectively consider to be inadequate and at times a positive insult to anyone’s intelligence (despite my poor performance in certain subjects - notice the irony). Still, I don’t see how intensive studying for an EXAM reflects anything about my ‘worldliness’ and ‘passion for learning’ or whatnot. But I must say that it’s a good motivation.

On another note, I failed (meaning failing to secure what they term a ’silver award’) the physical fitness test by six seconds on the one and a half mile run. Perhaps it was because I haven’t been in top form, perhaps it was because of sheer bad luck or even a moment of weak will - but the fact is that my examinations will interfere with the regular re-test schedule. This is yet another problem I’ll be forced to grapple with. Wonderful, isn’t it? At least, I know that for all the exertions I had to make for the test I know I can pass without too much uncertainty. (Really - six seconds. Wtf.)

Now it’s back to hitting the books. Again. Such is the lot of Man. Or at least, a semi-ambitious one.

今日は綾子様のお誕生日。あの方は今頃何をなさっているのかわからないが、今日の一日が楽しく過ごせることをお祈りします。

もう32歳になっちゃったんですから、さっさと結婚しなさいよ～

I’ve repointed my arrows. I’m now officially an owner of the 500-dollar Easton sticker, and a user of the X10 arrow, choice of the Olympic archers (including Madam Park Sung-hyun).

For some reason, this just feels good.

After getting my brand new X10s (and going to a lot of trouble pointing [meaning putting in the points] and nocking [meaning putting in the nocks with Teflon tape] and fletching them [meaning putting on the damned spin vanes on doublesided tapes that are irritatingly difficult to put on both the shaft and for the vanes to adhere to]) it turned out that the arrows are too long for me. Which means de-pointing them (requiring the heating and evaporation of large amounts of solidified glue) and wrecking FOUR lighters in a row (meaning melting the interior plastic and some wires - it’s the piezoelectric type which includes electric wires). Along the way I inhaled a lot of glue vapor and no doubt a lot of burnt rubber as well.

Anyway, what I really wanted to say is that Inoue Mao (井上真央) is just hot. THANKS SENSEI FOR STOCKING AN ISSUE OF AERA WITH HER PICTURE ON THE COVER!!!

I am not even sure why I bother to blog, seeing that sheer inertia at the end of each day seems to stop me dead in my tracks, so to speak. But somehow I feel the need to justify (or maybe just document) my continued existence with SOME sort of records.

Last Monday, I finally succeeded in meeting up with Chikako-sensei for lunch (and passed her the dried banana thingies), and other than ranting to her about certain unpleasant things (which I must have repeated so often that even I am getting slightly sick of ranting about them), I also told her about my more-or-less confirmed departure and return (or as it would seem to me, RETURN, THEN departure) dates, and she has in her kind and generous nature extended to me an offer to lodge me for a week or so (and to arrange for possible ‘homestays’ with her successful bachelor friends). I’m supposed to write to Mr. Otsuka (her father) and detail to him my plans, but owing to inevitable procrastination (exacerbated by my inability to write in Japanese without excruciating effort) I haven’t exactly gotten round to it.

Friday was the day of the release of A level results, and since I was (by some accounts) silly enough to take the Chinese exam, I had results to collect. To cut things short, I managed to get an A somehow. That aside, since I didn’t get A1 for O level HCL I’ll be retaking the exam again. I’m not really enthusiastic about it, to be honest. But that’s for another time.

I don’t really want to talk about the Singapore Polytechnic Shoot, since it was pretty screwed up and our team got conclusively owned by our opponents. However the training I had been doing last week seems to have injured my shoulder considerably and even now I am still feel some pain around.

I had meant this to be much longer, but due to certain circumstances I’m leaving it at this. No doubt this period is the worst for me so far this year. I can only hope it doesn’t last.

Did some things over the past couple of days.

1. Sat for the GP and General Studies in Chinese common test on Friday. Let’s just say that I’m probably going to perform as well as or maybe a worse than what is normal for me.

2. Went for bits of the archery camp. Had the experience of eating two servings of food for dinner (I’ve never been to a camp in which I didn’t eat more than the average person), and four roti pratas in the middle of the night (which Bing, a nice big J5, and Kay Hian, a nice small J5, bought back from somewhere on this island).

3. Went for a CIP activity involving distribution of food supplies to some needy families. I’m convinced that inflation stinks big time in a non-welfare state like this authoritarian militaristic capitalistic oligarchy.

4. Went to shoot after that.

5. On Sunday went to some corner of this island far from civilization (actually an army camp where innocent young men are punished for being born to people who generally support a regime which bases its strength on violation of human rights) for an archery competition. Somehow or other managed to clinch team first position, working in concert with JinJin and Zhanming.

6. On Monday after a short day due to timetable swaps went for lunch with Chikako-sensei. Worked out some preliminary plans for my three-week sojourn in a free land with terrible working conditions. Looks like I’ll be spending a lot on state-of-the-art rail transport, but she still rocks. And her parents too.

7. After lessons today (apparently Chinese was cancelled and I wasn’t aware) I popped down to the range, and shot a lot. And also confirmed a roughly 2-thousand local dollar equipment order. And I got a new fingertab (made in a great nation somewhere to the North-east).

I’m gloating.

I really can’t be bothered to come up with interesting titles anymore.

Of late my internet connection has been going screwy on me. I need to hit the refresh or go button in Firefox for at least five, if not more commonly, 20 times before anything will connect or load. This is extremely irritating as you might imagine, given that I spend so much time on the Internet opening Wikipedia windows. It is of extreme displeasure to me, as is the fact that Sid Meier’s Alpha Centauri refuses to execute properly despite following proper procedures, installing the right patch, and editing stuff appropriately.

On another note, the General Paper and General Studies in Chinese examinations are to be held next Friday; I am not exactly looking forward to them, to be really honest. But somehow I get the nagging feeling that all the stuff I’ve been reading about European integration and how evil the French historically have been won’t be terribly useful.

I feel as if by not blogging I’m losing my grip on the recording of my life. If this Internet problem continues I’m probably going to have to start writing offline, which will be a real pain. But I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

On another note, my tickets to and from Japan are dated 19. Mai and 14. Juni. That’s almost a solid month in Japan. I’m really going to have to lug my books with me, and plan out what the hell I’m supposed to spend a month doing there properly. I mean - if I’m lodging in Ageo City in Saitama I can’t go gallivanting off to anywhere further than the Kanto region, nicht?

Anyway that is for another time.